Before “No Contact”: The Work We’re Skipping

Oprah Winfrey recently sparked a big conversation about people choosing “no contact” in relationships. And while that choice can absolutely be protective and necessary, I want to shine a light on something else:

No contact is a boundary, not a substitute for learning boundaries. And boundaries don’t grow overnight.

My First Wake-Up Call at 28

When I was 28, I walked into therapy for the first time—heartbroken by a painful pattern of triangulation between two family members. I kept getting pulled into emotional loops that left me confused, responsible for things I didn’t create, and exhausted by dynamics I didn’t know how to change.

My therapist handed me a book: Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend. That book changed the next 25 years of my life.

For the first time, I learned:

• I could step out of family patterns that weren’t mine.

• I could say “no” without abandoning love.

• I could protect my peace without disappearing from my life.

And—maybe most important—boundaries are a practice. They grow through small choices, repeated often, over time. It often feels messy, but every effort builds upon the next.

Why This Matters Now

As “no contact” becomes a mainstream conversation, it’s easy to forget that it’s not the starting point. It’s a last step after clarity, communication, boundaries, and honest attempts at healthier relating.

Sometimes no contact is what keeps someone safe. But many times, what people truly need isn’t cutoff—it’s courage with structure.

And this isn't just happening in families.

🔍 It’s showing up at work too:

• Presenteeism: physically present, emotionally withdrawn

• Ghosting: disappearing before hard conversations can occur

• Conflict avoidance: cutting off coworkers the moment tension arises

• Silent resignation: the “no contact” energy applied to teams, deadlines, and leaders

When we don’t learn boundaries at home, we replicate those patterns everywhere else. Work becomes another stage where avoidance masquerades as protection.

A Simple Encouragement

If you’re navigating family pain, old patterns, or difficult dynamics, start with boundaries. They may feel slow, awkward, or uncomfortable—but they change everything over time.

And you don’t have to learn them alone.

Working with a therapist or coach is one of the most powerful tools you can choose. They help you see what you’re too close to name and build the muscle of resilience that boundaries require.

Healing is a practice. It's an integral part of one's leadership.

Boundaries are a pathway and you are so worth both.

xoxo

Dr. Char (Coach)